Evelien op Weg

Evelien op Weg

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Free falling

All of a sudden I am terrified. Is this the right thing to do? Is this the way I should go? Am I going to make it? Is this going to work out? How am I going to survive? How will I eat? How will I live? How will I come back? How will I make money?

In 3 days my plane is leaving for Ireland and my life will change. Drastically. Maybe for a long time, maybe just for a month or two. I feel uncertainty, insecurity and doubts coming up. I am making a free fall and don’t know exactly where and when I am touching the ground again. This is terrifying. I can not make this beautiful. I am afraid.

But isn’t this exactly what I want? To be free falling and truly discovering who I am? Letting go of myself in the Netherlands for a while and take time to reflect? And once I did this out come back stronger and better than ever? Yes, this is what I want. I want to let go of my memories, feelings and thought that are holding me back. I want to be in a loving relationship with myself and the world around me. For this I feel I need to be standing right in front of my fears and tell them that they are not me. They will not control my life and happiness. I will be the one in control of this.

I feel stronger writing this down, but I am still terrified for the times that are coming.